While I was not privy to the phone call fielded by Kevin Turner, I’m going to assume it took place as follows (the Apple side of the conversation only):

Hello Microsoft,

We would like you to pull your ‘Laptop Hunter’ ads because, well, they are hurting our feelings.

To stay quasi-competitive with PC prices, we have lowered the prices of our laptops by $100, so that we can say that your ads are inaccurate when we complain to the FTC.

We are especially upset at your characterization of Macs as phony elitist computers. That is not true. We ARE elitist computers.

We want you to stop, stop, else we would start with snottograms, and more deadly legalities.

Also remember that our dear exalted leader, Saint Steve of Jobs, is back in the office, and spoiling for a fight to prove that he still has his stuff.

You do NOT want to meet us in court.

Stop the ads, okay?

Apple Legal Department,
1, Infinite Loop
Cupertino, California.

Only Apple would have the brass to complain about hurt feeling after nearly four years of zinging Microsoft with half truths and outright lies with their long-running ad series.

Now that Microsoft seems to have succeeded in performing recto-cranial extraction surgery on their internal, and external d departments, for that matter, and seems to be getting their mojo back, Apple is suddenly scared.

How comical is Apple’s position?

However, I don't blame them. I blame Microsoft for burying its corporate head in the sands of the Puget Sounds these past years and letting the sores that were the Apple ads fester.

UPDATE: Microsoft has pulled the price comparison part of the ad.

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This article previously appeared in the July 2009 issue of The Interlocutor.